Thinking about “The Last Time”

Nowadays, with both kids in school, I seem to find more time thinking about being a parent and moreso, the transitions and changes that follow as children grow older. My husband and I even spend nights discussing about how we are parenting, what we want to know more, what we need to learn and what we dread about. It does seem odd that my husband would cringe at the thought of someday our daughter asking to go lingerie shopping with mommy but I think it isn’t as odd as me thinking about the talks on sex, masturbation or even porn! I know we might seem so fast forward but both me and my husband are so hands on with the kids that thinking about these scenarios are a way for us to somehow prepare for it.

That’s why I am so glad to come across articles that make me stop in my tracks and reflect. Devon Corneal’s article  The Last Time gave me a lot of reasons to just let her words sink in. While reading her post, it made me remember, when was the last time indeed? last time I heard their baby babbles?  smelled their baby scent? It made me go over baby photos and videos. Like Devon it’s not that I want time to go back till they were babies. It’s just that they are growing so fast before our very eyes and the last times seem such dreaded realities.

The kids are still welcome to our bed although they have their own beds and can sleep peacefully on their own. But to think about not having to feel them cuddled next to me, hear their soft snores, and watch them as they slumber or see them wake up, it is truly dreadful. I can think of a lot more scenarios but I would rather not go in that direction. Rather like Devon, I would try to immerse myself to the present that the future will matter less. I resolve to be present to them now so that as the “Last Times” pass by, I would not worry for I/we have been visibly engaged that our children will know that we are as securely attached to them as they are with us.

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